thirsty

This morning in the corner stall of the ladies room was one of those cardboard coffee holder things from Starbucks.  You know, the thing you put around the coffee so you can hold it without burning your hands?  Nevermind that it’s still too hot for you to drink…at least you can hold it.

Someone needed that latte so much that they took it in the stall with them while they peed.  That is serious.  Now, maybe this is gross but, how did they pull their pants down while holding the cup in one hand?  There’s not really a spot to rest the latte in the tiny stall.  How did they, um, finish up?  With one hand?  While holding a hot beverage in the other?  I mean, I have a kid who was not that long ago a tiny baby who wanted to be held all the time so I’m pretty great at doing things with one hand.  But even I have limits.

Anyway, I’m sorry you lost your cardboard coffee holder thingy in the corner stall, Mysterious Latte Lover.  Hope your hands weren’t burned when it fell off.  Hope you managed not to spill that latte while pulling your pants back up.  Good thing those toilets flush automatically.

 

JHFF!

Jazz Hands For Friday!
Things that are jazz-hands worthy today?

• A friend announcing her fantastic news
• Shabbat at the Library (full disclosure: this is not actually a Shabbat event but we label all things on Friday nights as Shabbat _____)
• No rain predicted for Sunday!
• Still some of that nice bottle of rose that Adam brought home last night waiting for me at home
• Getting started on our veggie garden with some help from our neighbor
• Not setting an alarm tomorrow morning
• Looking forward to our own natural, adorable, giggly, feisty, 2 year old alarm instead

good morning!

I’ve had a great morning. Woke up at 6:00, had some freshly squeezed orange juice and worked out for an hour. Showered, dressed (just because I’m working at home today doesn’t mean I don’t want to get dressed!) and went in to get Nomi who was playing nicely on her own in her room. We had breakfast together and then she colored while I packed up her lunch. I had a cup of coffee and watched the news/weather for a few minutes and then we headed off to drop her at school.

Hahahahahahaha.

Here’s what our morning was really like: Nomi was up at 6 and she did play nicely for a while but was calling for me by 7. I didn’t shower, I’m wearing yoga pants and a cardigan that I’m pretty sure is from my maternity wardrobe. I ate half a bowl of cereal. Between cleaning up after this disaster of a kid (spilled yogurt, needed new shirt, spilled milk, needed new shirt, knocked over my cereal, needed new pants) and trying to get her lunch together while she literally hung on my leg, I didn’t have a chance to get the coffee going. Watched Elmo, left for school.

I did stop at Dunkin Donuts on the way home for a GIANT delicious coffee beverage. Sigh.

bananas

Some things that drive me insane (in no particular order):

• mushy bananas
• people who misuse the phrase “quote unquote”
• gum smacking
• men who sit next to you on the train with their knees so far apart that they actually take up 3 seats
• grown ups who cheat at board games
• incorrect apostrophe usage
• slow walkers in NYC who walk around 4 people across taking up the whole sidewalk – I’m really excited that you’re enjoying your vacation in NYC and I’m so glad you’re leisurely taking in the sights. But I have to get to work so could you just leave a little bit of sidewalk open so I can rush past you? I’m not on vacation and it’s pissing me off.
• grape soda – doesn’t anyone else think it tastes like medicine?
• people who say “not to be rude but…” and assume it means they can then say any mean horrible thing they want
• cat people – your cats are not THAT great and why do you need to have all these cat “things” around? Like the calendars, mugs, sweaters, earrings. Aren’t your cats enough?
• dog people – your dogs are not children

What drives you bananas?

Lesson Learned

We got a note from Nomi’s teacher that she bit one of her classmates (they’re not supposed to tell us who) and maybe we should talk to her about it at home. Here’s the conversation.

Me: Nomi, did you bite your friend today?
N: I bit Andrew Shapley*
Me: What? Are you supposed to bite your friends?
Adam: Did you hurt him?
N: Yes he had a boo boo. He was crying.
Me: Well that’s not nice. Are you supposed to bite your friends?
N: No. Bite food. I sorry.
Me: Good. Tomorrow are you going to be a good, sweet girl?
N: YES!
Adam: Are you going to bite your friends?
N: NO!
Me: Great! So what are you going to do tomorrow? Play outside? Sing songs?
N: I will bite Andrew Shapley.

Well I’m glad we had this chat.

*Names have not been changed to protect the innocent. But since there are only 4 people (I’ve counted someone twice at their request) reading this I’m not too concerned.

good day sunshine

In case you’re curious – here’s what our mornings look like.

6:00 – 6:18 I fight with the snooze button
6:35 – I’m out of the shower and trying on a brightly colored blouse to wear to work
6:37 – I change my mind and put on a black shirt
6:39 – No that black shirt isn’t right. I’ll switch it up with another black shirt.
6:41 – Should I wear a sparkly necklace? YES! I’ll go for it.
6:45 – 7:30 – Nomi wakes up normally around 7. On a good morning I can watch like 15 minutes of the news/weather before she’s up. On a bad morning I’m watching Barney while I try and get us both dressed at the same time. The next 45 minutes are an ever changing balancing act of changing, dressing, feeding, cleaning a toddler. I cannot lie – I use Sesame Street to help here. I’m not above bribing this kid with Elmo.
7:30 – 7:43 – Making sure I have everything I need for the day, making sure Nomi has everything she needs for the day, dealing with the inevitable wrench in our smooth morning plans. Common “wrenches” include: Nomi gets cereal/oatmeal/eggs in her hair, Nomi takes off her shoes and socks multiple times, I lose my keys/phone/something important that I can’t leave without, I notice I have cereal/oatmeal/eggs on my shirt somewhere and have to decide if it’s bad enough to warrant changing into another black top.
7:43 – 7:45 Nomi grabs my sparkly necklace and screams when I tell her she can’t wear it or chew it or break it or put it on her dolls.
7:45 – 7:55 Tell Nomi she cannot bring dollhouse/toy drum/Daddy’s iPad/bubble lawnmower to school, turn off Elmo, move towards the door.
7:55 – 8:00 Get into car and head off to school then train station.
WHEW we made it out the door another day.

In Defense of My Jewishness (or: Jazz Hands for Freedom!)

* Edited to add – This post is a few days late. I had intended to post this last week before I headed off to a seder while people shouted in my wake – “You’re going to a seder? But you’re not religious!”

This will not be a post explaining Judaism. But in case anyone is curious (hi, 3 people who read this) I will list herein some ways in which I and my family observe Jewish ritual and tradition:

• Our every day language is sprinkled with Yiddish phrases we learned from our grandmothers (and some of them are words you also use): schlep, schluff, tuchus, to name a few. I call Nomi “Nomaleh” so often that one of the little girls in her class now calls her that too.
• We celebrate Hanukkah with small gifts, candles, songs, donuts and latkes. Sometimes I tell myself that fried chicken or jalapeno poppers are appropriate foods that celebrate the “fried in oil” tradition of Hanukkah.
• We help our family decorate their sukkah – though we haven’t had one of our own yet.
• We have Shabbat dinners on most Friday nights.
• Sometimes our Shabbat dinners are traditional roast chicken, potatoes, challah sort of meals.
• Sometimes they are Chinese takeout.
• Sometimes we invite the neighbors over for a pizza party because more than anything Shabbat is about being together with people we love.
• I light the candles and say the blessing because traditionally it’s the wife’s/mother’s role.
• Adam says the blessing over the wine because in our daily division of labor, wine always falls into his jurisdiction. Unrelated to Judaism: he’s also almost always the one who remembers to run the dishwasher once it’s full so dishes might naturally fall into his jurisdiction as well.
• We enjoy sharing family dinners around holidays. Family dinners are important, and I like the traditional foods and the singing. Although no one ever gets the whole way through the Had Gadya song, and everyone tires of singing in general long before I have and I’m always the one left singing by myself (is ANYONE OUT THERE really surprised by this?)
• While I don’t fast or go to services anymore, I always host a Yom Kippur break fast for friends and family. If the book of life has been sealed for the year, you should celebrate with a bagel and a mimosa, no?

And here is a list of people that no one ever asks “Why are YOU celebrating Christmas? You’re not religious!”

• People who don’t go to church every Sunday.
• People who don’t go to church ANY Sunday.
• People who cheat on their spouses.
• People who cheat on their taxes.
• People who do not always treat others as they would like to be treated.
• People who don’t stop and ask “what would Jesus do.”

For some reason it’s not unusual for someone to celebrate just Christmas and Easter. But it seems to me that if you’re Jewish and you celebrate more than just Hanukkah, you have to answer a lot more questions. Sukkot? What is that? I didn’t know you were so religious! But I saw you eat that bacon! And you still don’t celebrate Christmas?

I am grateful that I live in a time and place (mostly – I’ll save my rant on women’s rights for another day I suppose) where I can choose how to incorporate Judaism into my life and my family’s traditions. So tonight, we will join our family for a Passover seder. And then it’s likely that tomorrow we will wake up and head to the diner for bacon and eggs. Shalom!

Catching Up

Ugh I’ve been terrible about posting!
To help get caught up here is just a random list of things:

• Adam is in Spain and he took the iPad so every morning Naomi asks “where did the HiPab go?” Then I have to distract her with Elmo before a tantrum erupts. I have no time for tantrums in the morning.
• Naomi is now sleeping in her “big girl bed” which is just her crib with one side rail removed and a little bedrail in it’s place so she doesn’t fall out.
• New season of DWTS started last week. I like Jaleel White but his jive was disappointing. Also, Melissa Gilbert, what happened to your face?
• I bought a pair of glitter Tom’s and someone may have said they were ridiculous and that I looked like I should be working in an opium den with them on but I don’t care I think they’re totally fabulous. Also it’s a well documented fact that if you disguise your totally casual sneakery shoes with glitter then you can wear them to work and no one will say anything.
• Did you know that I have a total thing for books about time travel? Do you have any good ones to recommend?
• I have awesome neighbors. While Adam is away they have taken my garbage cans back from the curb for me, invited me and Naomi to dinner, called to check in on us. I love this neighborhood.
• In the bath the other night, Naomi put suds all over her face and said “I’m Brian’s beard!”
• Luckily I just restocked my summer flip flip supply, bought a few bright tank tops and tees, and got some skirts out from the back of the closet….just in time for the temps to plummet again.
• Jazzhands for: it being light out when we get home, losing 6 pounds, learning that I don’t have to wash my hair every day, new laptop, hubby coming home on Thursday!

JHFF!

Jazz Hands For Friday!

You know who appreciates jazz hands?
All these guys.

So I was home the other day and found myself watching Toddlers and Tiaras. Don’t ask. I had not seen this show before and…just…wow. I mean really wow. I have some things to say about this show, as you might expect. I’m sure you’ve heard that stuff already. Seriously a 4 year old needs her eyebrows plucked? And stop telling your daughter that the talent part doesn’t matter since it’s a Beauty Pageant and all that matters is how pretty she is. Please stop.

But aside from that I did notice a few positives.

First, these kids have seriously some of the best jazz hands you’ve ever seen. They’re like little balls of glitter and lipgloss and hairspray and tanning lotion and it’s so creepy and weird, but I have to admit that I loved watching all the little earnest jazz hands. They really brought their A games.

Second on this particular episode was a little boy named Brock Ritter who was competing in pageants. You can google him and find out all about it and obviously people have way too much to say about this one way or the other. I love Brock. Brock is the epitome of jazz hands if you ask me. He asked to start tap dancing when he was 2. He loves glitter. He loves dancing and wants to be a Broadway star. And his mother just lets him be his own sparkly, fancy self and I think it’s the best. Jazz hands all the way for Brock.

Anyway, I’m pretty sure I’m not up for being a pageant mom. But if Nomi asked me to bring some more glitter into her life, and to help her practice her jazz hands, obviously I’d support that 100%.